Best Jokes

The homeowner got into his old work clothes one Saturday morning and set about all the chores his wife had been urging him to do all week.

He cleaned the garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulled up in the driveway and called out her window, "Say, what do you get for yard work?"

The fellow thought for a moment and then answered, "The lady who lives here lets me live with her."

My sister has been divorced 3 times and is in a new relationship, so her attorney gave her a reward card.

The next divorce is on the house.

Don’t wear headphones while vacuuming...

I finished the whole house before realizing the vacuum wasn’t plugged in.

Why did the piece of cheese go to the gym?

To get shredded!