After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room.
Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping.
His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted.
In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed, and then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"
Five Ways To Shake Up Thanksgiving
1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.
3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.
4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech.
5. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. Request that she bring photos.
It used to be cool to have a Gold tooth, now its a cheap Bluetooth!!!
So a duck walks into a bar and asks the Bartender, "Got any gwapes?"
The bartender says, "No!".
The duck walks out, comes back the next day and asks the Bartender, "Got any gwapes?"
The bartender says, "No!".
The duck walks out, comes back the next day and asks the Bartender, "Got any gwapes?"
The bartender says, "No! And if you come back again I'll staple your beak to the bar".
The duck walks out, comes back the next day and asks the Bartender, "Got any staples?"
The bartender says, "No!".
"Got any gwapes"?