There are three farmers who look and sound alike
Farmer 1: "What are we doing today?"
Farmer 2: "What we do everyday."
Farmer 1: "What’s that?"
Farmer 2: "Find out what farmer #3 is doing."
Farmer 1: "Wait... I thought you were farmer #3?"
Guy #1: "Do you know the chemical formula for Sodium Bromide?
Guy #2: "NaBro."
Two men were strolling past a church when one commented to his friend, "Aren't the church bells lovely?"
The friend said he didn't make out what was said so the first man repeated, "Aren't those chimes beautiful?"
Again, his friend exclaimed he couldn't make out what was said so the first man repeated louder, "The bells, the bells, aren't they beautiful!"
The second man looked at him and said, "Sorry, I can't make out what you're saying because of those lousy bells!"
On a visit to New York, an Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop. The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.
The Englishman says to the Scotsman, "You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"
The Scotsman says to the Englishman, "Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman."
He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!"
The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats. Then he says to the baker, "Give me another cookie for my magic trick."
The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too. Then he says again, "Give me one more cookie."
The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too. Now the baker is really mad, and he yells, "And where is your famous magic trick?"
The Scotsman says, "Look in the Englishman's pocket!"