For a while I worked at a sarcastic tattoo parlor.
I quit because I couldn’t take the needling.
My son and I were sat in the city centre, waiting for my wife to come out of this high-end shoe store, and we were absolutely bored to tears.
Then all the sudden, the entire Royal Ballet came out of nowhere and put on a completely impromptu dance performance!
We were still absolutely bored to tears.
SHERIFF: Miss Morgendorfer, I thought I told you that I didn't want to see your face in my station again?
MISS MORGENDOFER: Well, that's what I told the officer who arrested me, but she didn't want to listen, so here I am.
I had a job offer from a large company and they offered to fly me out to the interview on business class.
During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in an airsickness courtesy bag.
After the plane landed, I got up to leave and a flight attendant approached me if I wanted her to dispose of the bag.
I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids."