Best Jokes

The proprietor of a small village drugstore was called out one sleepy summer morning, leaving the establishment temporarily under the sole management of a very young, and very uneducated, clerk.

"Just answer the phone if it rings, Jim," instructed the proprietor.

The phone rang.

"Hello," said the clerk.

"Do you have streptomycin and aureomycin?" asked a voice at the other end.

The clerk scratched his head, then said, "Ma'am, when I said 'Hello' I told you everything I know."

On a busy Friday night at the restaurant where I'd recently started waiting tables, the owner suddenly emerged from the kitchen and handed me money. "We're in trouble!" he said. "We're out of quarters, and customers are waiting. Go next door and get me $40 worth."

I ran to the supermarket next door, but a cashier said she wasn't allowed to give out that many quarters. Determined, I sprinted to a convenience store two blocks away, but it was closed. At a gas station farther down the road, the clerk took pity and gave me the four rolls of quarters. Twenty minutes after I'd left, I handed the coin rolls to my boss.

"Where are the quarters?" he asked.

"Right here," I said breathlessly.

His face sank, "I meant chicken quarters."

My mom told me to clean the papers out of my room. Then she told me to empty the waste baskets from the bathrooms. Then she told me to take the kitchen garbage out. Then she told me to take the garbage cans to the street.

But I didn’t have to do any of that. You know why?

That was just trash talk!

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.