Why were the horses so happy?
Because they lived in a stable environment.
A man goes to the doctor and sits in the waiting room. A lady shuffles out from the doctor's door and sits next to him, waiting for her follow-up appointment. A bandage is wrapped around her head. "Gee, what happened to you?" the man asks.
She says, "I've got earosis and the doctor had to cut off my ear."
Unsettled, the man waits a bit more and another woman shuffles out with her leg fully bandaged. She takes the remaining unoccupied seat next to him. He turns to her, "What happened to you?"
She replied, "Oh, I've got ptomaine poisoning and the doctor had to cut off my toe."
The man is fully upset and walks out of the office as the receptionist calls out: "Mr. Jones, the doctor will see you for your asthma!"
A man went to his lawyer and stated, "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it."
The lawyer said, "No problem, leave it all to me."
The man looked somewhat upset as he said, "Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd like to leave a little to my children, too!"
What did the ghost say when the police arrested him for joy riding a small motorcycle?
“And to think, I always said I’d never get caught dead riding a moped.”