My lawnmower seized up so I took it to the dump and was told it would cost fifty bucks to recycle it. I didn't have the fifty so I brought it back home.
Later that night I got a bright idea so I put the lawnmower in the front yard by the road thinking someone might steal it.
Low and behold the next morning the mower was gone, my plan had worked. Couldn't help but brag to my wife about my brilliant idea.
My gloating only lasted one day. The next morning the mower had been returned minus the carburetor and the wheels.
Just so everyone is clear...
I'm going to put my glasses on.
Bill: I know a man who drove a stagecoach and it didn’t have any wheels.
Ted: What held it up?
Happiness is walking through the green grass barefoot....
Misery is walking through the green grass barefoot and then discovering it's a cow pasture.