Best Jokes

1 votes

In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.

In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.

In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.

In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.
Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.

In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school."
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up, it's time for hockey practice."

1 votes

posted by "merk" |
1 votes

Places I'd Rather Not Live...

- Paradox, New York
- Crapo, Maryland

- Boogertown, North Carolina
- Hellhole, Idaho
- Purgatory, Maine

- Girdletree, Maryland
- Rabbithash, Kentucky

1 votes

posted by "merk" |
$8.00 won 1 votes

Me: "My wife is always forgetting to turn off the flashlight on her cell phone."

Friend: "I bet that’s annoying?"

Me: "Not so. When she walks in, I get to say, 'She really lights up the room.'”

1 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "Bill Sauro" |
1 votes

Our fourth grader celebrated his birthday on crutches, so he couldn’t carry the cupcakes into school without help. I asked our sixth-grader, Noah, to help his brother carry them in.

“I could,” he said, “but I’d prefer not to.”

Spotting a teaching moment, my husband asked Noah, “What would Jesus do?”

Noah answered, “Jesus would heal him so he could carry his own cupcakes.”

1 votes

posted by "merk" |