Best Jokes

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines 5 years ago, you would have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG 5 years ago, you would have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers 5 years ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would have received $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

And as a bonus... A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!

What's the most important thing an elephant looks for when buying a car?

Trunk Space.

Why are bananas bad getaway drivers?

They are in such a hurry to split and they peel out.

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications he waited anxiously for the outcome.

The employer read all his applications & said, "We have an opening for people like you."

"Oh, great," the man said, "What is it?"

"It's called the door!"