I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches on the new deck outside my house. My sister pulled into the driveway, greeted me, and looked over my work.
"Wow," she gushed, "you're an expert."
Feeling complimented and satisfied, but trying not to seem egotistical, I responded... "Once you get going, it's pretty easy!"
She looked puzzled and wondering if I'd misunderstood her I asked, "What did you just say?"
She replied, "I said your neck's burnt!"
Why did a budget Airlines that only has late evening flights go out of business?
Word got out it was a fly by night outfit.
The condemned man was waiting for his execution, when the priest arrived.
"My son, I came to bring the word of God to you."
"No thanks, Father. I'm going to talk to Him in a little while, personally. Any message?"
ISDN = It Still Does Nothing
APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM = I Blame Microsoft
DEC = Do Expect Cuts
CA = Constant Acquisitions
CD-ROM = Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 = Obsolete Soon, Too.
SCSI = System Can't See It
DOS = Defunct Operating System
BASIC = Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
WWW = World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH = Most Applications Crash; If Not, The OS Hangs