Best Jokes

A man went to his lawyer and stated, "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it."

The lawyer said, "No problem, leave it all to me."

The man looked somewhat upset as he said, "Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd like to leave a little to my children, too!"

It's ten below zero one early spring day in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab."

"Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week."

"That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall."

"But," says Pat, "I don't want any of my friends to see that."

"They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid."

Lawyer: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?

Doctor: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Lisa: Sardines have to be the stupidest fish in the world.

Meg: Why do you say that?

Lisa: They crawl into cans, lock themselves in, and then leave the key on the outside.