Best Jokes

"When I walk into a room, I expect your undivided attention. Don't look over here or over there, look at me. If you say something to me, I just may want to ignore you. That's my prerogative. In addition, when I utter so much as a sound, you are to smile, nod approvingly, and praise me."

Sounds like your boss, right?

Well, you're half right. I'm also your cat!

Why don't sheep shrink when they get wet?

Wife to husband: “Did you like supper?”

Trying to be polite, the husband says, “Yes.”

The wife says, “I was just wondering, because when I gave some to the cats they tried to bury it.”

"Quick! Call a tree surgeon!"

"Why?"

"My maple tree is bleeding!"

"That's not blood, that's sap."

"What's sap?"

"Nothing. What's sap with you?"