Best Jokes

The first-time father, beside himself with excitement over the birth of his son, was determined to do everything right.

"So, tell me, nurse," he asked as his new family headed out the hospital door, "what time should we wake the little guy in the morning?"

What type of person finds it humorous to shower while wearing a raincoat?

Apparently someone with a dry sense of humor!

I'm beginning to think that package instructions are only meant to be read by scientist.

The print is so small you need an electron microscope to read it and who has one of those...

Scientist of course!

Two elderly women had been friends for over forty years. Each one was losing their hearing. Minnie asked, "Are you going to be home today?"

"Yes, as far as I know," replied her friend, Adie.

"Good I have a gift for you."

"Esther Price?" Adie asked.

Knowing Minnie loved Esther Price candy, she assumed the gift was candy. As the day wore on, Minnie finally arrived with a book on Smoothies. Adie was confused. "I didn't know Esther Price sold books?"

"They don't."

"But this morning you said they did."

"Oh, I thought you said, 'That's nice.'"