Best Jokes

Preparing for the most important presentation of his life, a sales rep went to a psychiatrist. "I'll implant a hypnotic suggestion in your mind," said the shrink. "Just say 'one-two-three,' and you'll give the presentation of your life. However, do not say 'one-two-three-four,' because it will cause you to freeze up and make a fool of yourself."

The sales rep was ecstatic. He tried it at home and gave a fabulous presentation. He tried it at work with his co-workers, and got a standing ovation. Then came the big day. Everything was set up in the boardroom and the CEO signaled him to start. The sales rep whispered under his breath, "One-two-three."

Then the CEO asked, "What did you say 'one-two-three' for?"

"Quick! Call a tree surgeon!"

"Why?"

"My maple tree is bleeding!"

"That's not blood, that's sap."

"What's sap?"

"Nothing. What's sap with you?"

Why are Eskimos always interested in winter sports?

Because they are Inuit.

To stop King Kong's rampage, the U.S. Army got their top strategists together and came up with a terrific plan.

They built a massive catapult engine, loaded a 1966 Volkswagen in it, and hurled the vehicle directly at the side of the giant ape's head.

In other words, they put a bug in his ear.