Best Jokes

Two elderly women had been friends for over forty years. Each one was losing their hearing. Minnie asked, "Are you going to be home today?"

"Yes, as far as I know," replied her friend, Adie.

"Good I have a gift for you."

"Esther Price?" Adie asked.

Knowing Minnie loved Esther Price candy, she assumed the gift was candy. As the day wore on, Minnie finally arrived with a book on Smoothies. Adie was confused. "I didn't know Esther Price sold books?"

"They don't."

"But this morning you said they did."

"Oh, I thought you said, 'That's nice.'"

Have ever wondered why it is called MENopause and not WOMANopause?

A farmer and his recently hired hand were eating an early breakfast of biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs, bacon and coffee that the farmer's wife had prepared for them. Thinking of all the work they had to get done that day, the farmer told the hired man he might as well go ahead and eat his lunch too.

The hired man didn't say a word, but filled his plate a second time and proceeded to eat. After awhile the farmer said, "We've got so much work to do today, you might as well eat your supper now too."

Again, the hired man didn't respond but refilled his plate a third time and continued to eat. Finally, after eating his third plate of food, the hired man pushed back his chair and began to take off his shoes.

"What are you doing"? the farmer asked.

The hired man replied, "I don't work after supper."

I waited for a very long time for my number to be called at the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver's license. As I approached the window, the clerk asked how she could help me.

I replied, "I need to get a haircut, can you save me my spot?"

She said, "Why didn't you get a haircut before your came here?"

I replied, "I didn't need one before I got here!"