Best Jokes

One day, Edgar got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?"

He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class."

"Wow, my son is a genius! What was the question?"

"The question was, 'Who threw the eraser at the principal's head?'"

As a Flight Surgeon stationed at Corpus Christi, Tx, I perform flight physicals. A Petty Officer needed his to continue as the corpsman aboard the base Search and Rescue helicopter. Following the obligatory cough during his hernia check, I asked him, “Have you had any pain or swelling in your testicles?”

There was no answer so I looked at him with a, “Well?” look on my face. After a few moments pondering his answer, he reluctantly began to move his hips gently from side to side. I said, “Stop, what are you doing!”

He said, “You asked me to sway my testicles.”

After a hearing check, he passed his Navy Flight Physical and we had a great laugh about that for years to follow. Call sign, “Hula Man!”

What's the difference between a tree, a dog, and a lake?

Give up?

A tree HAS bark and a dog barks.

What about the lake?

THAT'S WHERE THE SUCKERS BITE!

Three students all have dinner together, a sophisticate, a vulgarian, and a foreigner. They return to their shared dorm rooms that night and when they wake up in the morning they all have painful gas. The sophisticate says,

"Zounds! I just broke wind with such intense vigor my anus hurt!"

The vulgarian says,

"Crap, dude! That fart hurt my butt-hole!"

The foreigner who would have understood,

"Wow, stinky pain!" tries to fit in by saying,

"Broke fart intense butt-hole!"