Best Jokes

How can you identify a blind pirate?

He's the one with patches over both eyes.

Death and taxes are inevitable...

But at least death doesn't get worse every year!

I was invited to this indoor wedding over the weekend. When I reached the hotel venue, I found two doors. One said, 'Bride relatives' and the other said, 'Groom relatives'.

"Hmmm, interesting," I said to myself as I entered the door marked Groom relatives. I then found two more doors. One said 'Ladies' and the other said, 'Men'.

I started laughing out loud as I entered the ladies door and found two more doors written, 'People with gifts' and 'People without gifts'.

I entered the people without gifts door... I found myself outside of the hotel.

A well-known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of $5000.

The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things:

One screw..................................... $ 1
Knowing how to put it in............. $4999
Total = $5000

The businessman never argued.