Best Jokes

An elderly couple went to a counselor as to settle a on going argument.

Counselor: OK, what's going on here!

Husband: My wife keeps tying strings on my finger while I sleep. She then insults me if I ask her about it.

Wife: Not true and I don't want to talk about it any longer.

Counselor: Communication is paramount, I'd like to see you two talk to each other and resolve this issue yourself. Come back in two weeks so I can check on your progress.

Husband: Fine but I'd better tie a string on my finger so I can remember it.

Wife: Doh!

A little boy found the old family Bible and started thumbing through the pages. As he was turning the yellowed pages, a pressed tree leaf fell out.

He exclaimed, "Hey, this must be where Adam and Eve left their clothes!"

I went back home last week and happened to see one of my old teachers, Mrs. Turtle.

She was a bit odd, but tortoise well.

I bet my friends I'd witnessed a 200 pound flying squirrel streaking above the bright lights of Hollywood...

I ended up losing that bet, it turned out to be Superman leaving a costume party.