A French Chef had always been interested in Magic. So he went to a Convention of Magicians.
He was attempting a card trick where he had to palm a card to make it disappear, but could not do it without making it obvious.
So he went over to a professional magician and said, "What am I doing wrong with this card trick?
"It's simple," said the pro. "You have Palm Fritz."
Two guys sitting at the bar were talking.
The first one said, "Last week when I left here a car pulled out in front of me and caused an accident but the officer took me to jail."
The other guy at the bar replied, "That's too bad you were blamed. I think some cops are bias if you've been drinking. Let me see that ticket."
The first guy handed it over. The other guy looked it over and said, "Wow, this cop very bias and he's lying too... he's claiming you hit a parked car."
Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Little Johnny: I'm going to become a famous writer. I plan on writing under a pseudonym instead of my real name.
Teacher: Have you decided what name you'll use in your literary efforts.
Little Johnny: Yes, it's going to be big Johnny.