Best Jokes

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt.

I like playing golf but it is a hard game to explain.

One day I'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit half the traps and miss most of the greens.

Then then next day I'll go out and for no reason at all, really stink up the course!

At three o'clock one morning, a veterinary surgeon was awoken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone.

"I'm sorry if I woke you," said a voice at the other end of the line.

"That's all right," said the vet, "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."