Best Jokes

I had just pulled over someone for driving under the influence when another car pulled up behind us. I stopped what I was doing and ventured back to see if the driver needed assistance.

“No, I don’t need any help,” he said, reeking of booze. Then, pointing to the flashing cherry top on the roof of my cruiser, he continued, “I just stopped for the red light.”

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs, because they always take things literally.

If you take your laptop for a run, you jog your memory.

One day, Edgar got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?"

He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class."

"Wow, my son is a genius! What was the question?"

"The question was, 'Who threw the eraser at the principal's head?'"