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Favorite this joke An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, "The parrot I purchased uses improper language."
"I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've never taught that bird to swear."
"Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor. "But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."
Did you hear about the soothsayer who accurately predicted an earthquake?
Everyone said it was his fault.
A spiritual leader asked his pupils if they saw a $20 bill and a $100 bill on the floor which one they’d pick up.
Nobody answers but finally one guy meekly blurts out, “$100.”
The spiritual leader simply says, “I see.”
After a small pause, of his pupil asks him, “Which one would you have picked up, oh Wise One?”
Looking straight into his eyes the leader answers, “I’d have picked up both.”
A surgeon, who had just gotten his suit back from the tailor shop, goes back to the shop and says, "My suit just fell apart!"
"Oh my!" the tailor replies. "Do you know how this could have happened?"
"I don't know," the surgeon replies. "It was fine until I took the stitches out."
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