Did you hear about the contortionist who passed away?
He died in his own arms.
When tempted to fight fire with fire...
... always remember that the fire department usually uses water.
I ordered an extension course, “How to Deal With Life’s Disappointments”.
Yesterday, I got the first lesson in the mail.
It was an empty envelope.
I was on a date with this really great lady.
Well it wasn't really a date-date, more like we ate dinner and saw a movie together.
Then the plane landed.