Best Jokes

An Investment Broker asked his client if he wanted to get a hot tip and the client naturally said, "yes."
"Well, we heard that Colonel Sanders is buying out Schick razor company," said the broker.
Client: "Are they going to change their name?"
Broker: "I heard that they were going to call it Chicken-Schick"

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"

An Old man sits on a park bench crying when a passer by stops to give the man some comfort.
Looking at the old man he says “you look familiar, wait you are that lottery winner who won over a hundred million”
“Yes that me “replied the old man.
“But you own a yacht and a massive house and didn’t you marry that nymphomaniac blond starlet” he asks.
“Yes that’s all true” said the old man.
“So why are you crying” he asks.
“Because I have forgotten where I live!”

The prison officer tells the warden, “Sir, I have to report that ten prisoners have broken out.”

The alarmed warden says, “Blow the whistles, sound the alarms, alert the police!"

With a surprised look the officer says, “Shouldn’t we call the doctor first? It looks as if it might be measles."