Best Jokes

Woman customer, pointing to a roast: "Excuse me, sir, but is this meat tender?"

Butcher: "As tender as my heart."

Woman customer: "In that case, I'll take a pound of sausages instead."

Policeman: "Excuse me, sir, did you see a man in a long, black coat, carrying a briefcase pass by here a moment ago?"

Dopey Dan: "No."

Policeman, skeptical: "Did he tell you to say that?"

Dopey Dan: "Yes."

At 3:00 in the morning, Laura woke up and gently tapped her husband on the shoulder. "Hector, wake up, wake up!"

"Huhh?" Hector replied groggily. "What is it?"

"It's the baby."

Hector sat up a bit and listened for about a minute. "But I don't hear him crying."

"Yes," Laura replied. "And it's your turn to find out why."

The manager of a restaurant called his wait staff together. "Okay, everyone," he said. "I want you all to look your best today. Greet every customer you see with a smile and a kind word."

One of the waiters raised an eyebrow curiously. "What's the occasion? Do we have some important people visiting?"

The manager replied, "No, the bread's stale today."