Best Jokes

If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me to grow up...

I could build the coolest tree house ever!

At the doctor's waiting room a man was sitting opposite a mother and her little daughter.

He asks the little girl, "Hi there, and how old are you?"

The little girl showed him 4 fingers to indicate she is 4 years old.

The man says, "That is nice, but can't you talk?"

The little girl replies, "Yes I can, but can't you count?"

I applied for a job as a weatherman, but my knowledge of meteorology was a little cloudy.

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was.

I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!