Best Jokes

I was hospitalized for a few days, and my wife reported that my dog really missed me. "She spends the night at the front door, awaiting your return," she said.

"What an example of true love," I replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?"

"Honey," my wife answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."

After 25 years of marriage, a husband took a long look at his wife one day and said: "Twenty-five years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, and I slept on a sofa bed, but I got to sleep every night with a sexy twenty-six year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, a nice car and a big bed, but I'm sleeping with a fifty-one year old woman. It seems that you're not pulling your weight."

She replied calmly: "Then why don't you go out and find a sexy twenty-six year old blonde? And when you do, I'll make sure once again that you'll be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed."

What is the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?

For the bird flu you get tweetment and for the swine flu you receive oinkment.

A bicycle rolls into the doctor's office.

It says, “ Doc, you gotta help me! I can’t keep from yawning all day long.”

The doctor says, “ Well, I think it’s because you’re too tired.”