Best Jokes

A fellow who loved to go out in his kayak whenever he could.

One winter it was very cold, so he built a fire on a metal lined pad on the floor of the boat.

The fire burned through the pad, causing the boat to sink.

This proves that we cannot have our kayak and heat it, too.

Harold and Jack are about to rob a bank. Harold says, "All right, Jack, now here's what to do: go into that bank with this gun and this bag, hold the gun on the teller and tell her to put all of the money in the bag, then run back out before the cops show up. Meanwhile, I'll be out here in the car, taking all the chances."

Jack says, "Now wait just a minute, Harold, If I'm the one running in there with the gun and the bag, getting the money and running back out before the cops show up, how are you the one taking all the chances?"

Harold replies, "Because I can't drive."

My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits ... and their bulging stomachs.

Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, I said to my wife, "I'm the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated."

She glanced at the well-dressed crowd, then back at me, and said, "You're the only one who has to."

Killing your father is called patricide.

Killing your mother is called matricide.

So, what is killing your friend called?

Homie-cide