Best Jokes

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain '80s bands...

There is no Cure.

The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal.

Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing."

The minister, of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man say, "Why I felt like a new man when I woke up!"

One day in basic training the drill sergeant came out and said, "I need two volunteers for garbage duty."

When no one spoke up the drill sergeant pointed to two privates and said, "Okay, you and you!"

One of the privates said, "But I didn't volunteer?"

"Were you drafted?" the drill sergeant asked.

"No," said the private.

The drill sergeant smiled and said, "That's right, you volunteered."

"This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.

If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.

That's me, the copilot, and one of the stewardesses. This is a recording."