Best Jokes

Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it."

"I've spent my last buck," said the deer.

"Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."

"Hello, hello?" shrilled a spinsterish voice over the phone. "Is this the SPCA?"

"Yes, this is the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals."

"I want you to send somebody over right away."

"What's wrong?"

"There's a horrid magazine salesman, just sitting in a tree teasing my dog."

I was inspecting a communications facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow-covered area. The pilot descended to just a couple hundred feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm.

"I wonder why he didn't land," I said.

"He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the man said.

As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented.

"No," my seat mate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time."

"How can you tell?" I asked.

"Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow."