Best Jokes

In a kids bedroom:

3 year old: I can't sleep

Father: Why not?

3 year old: There are scary monsters under my bed.

Father: Scarier than your mother?

3 year old: "zzz"

The six year old daughter enjoyed asking questions. She enjoyed asking lots of questions. Finally, one day, the girl's mom had had enough. "Have you ever heard that curiosity killed the cat?" asked the mom.

"No," replied the girl.

"There was once a cat who was very inquisitive. One day, this cat looked into a big hole, fell in, and died!"

The little girl just stood there quietly, deep in her own thoughts. There was a pause. "So what was in the hole?"

At the Super Bowl party, Ken overheard two wives talking about their husbands and men in general. Then he heard the best quote ever from one of them....

"The rules of football and the plot of The Godfather are the two most complicated things that every guy understands, no matter how dumb he is."

A ditzy girl was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in her drink. A dozen times the olive eluded her. Finally, another patron, who had been watching intently from the next stool, became exasperated and grabbed the toothpick.

"Here, this is how you do it," he said, as he easily skewered the olive.

"Big deal," she muttered. "I already had him so tired out, he couldn't get away."