Best Jokes

Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back."

He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for a while, then walks back across the street.

The other dog asks, "What was that about?"

The first dog replies, "Just checking my messages."

A man finds a lamp. He rubs it and a Genie emerges. The Genie tells him he will be granted three wishes. The man thinks for a moment and says, "First, give me a bottomless mug of beer."

A mug of beer appears in his hand. He sips it once, then again and the mug is magically refilled. The man is thrilled and continues to drink. The mug never empties.

Then the Genie says, "And what about your other two wishes?"

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Give me two more just like this one!"

You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again"?

"I am 78," the man said.

"78!" remarked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60-year-old."

"Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad, she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside for a walk to settle down," the man explained.

"What does that have to do with it?” asked the doctor.

"I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."

Why do artists never win when they play football?

They keep drawing!