Best Jokes

I had an uncle who was allergic to cotton...

He got some pills for the condition but couldn't get them out of the bottle.

Back when I went to college, the female dormitory was out-of-bounds for all male students, as was the male dormitory to the female students.It was explained to us during orientation that anybody caught breaking this rule would be fined $20 the first time.

Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $60. Being caught a third time incurred a hefty fine of $180. Then we were asked, “Are there any questions?"

At this, a male student in the crowd inquired. "Er... How much for a season pass?"

(Modified from Rock-A-Bye Baby)

Hush-A-Bye Buddy
In our guest room,
It's been three weeks now
Are you leaving us soon?

We'll all miss your snoring
And carrying on,
But please won't you go back
To Boca Raton?

I went to pick up my car at the auto repair shop. The mechanic said to me, "I could not repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."