Best Jokes

An angel appears at a College faculty meeting and tells the Dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty. Without hesitating, the Dean selects infinite wisdom.

“Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the Dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, “Say something.”

The Dean sighs and says, “I should have taken the money.”

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Duane

Duane who?

Duane the bathtub, I'm drowning!

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, "Which book has helped you most in your life?"

The woman replied, "That would be my husband's check book."

I had an uncle who was allergic to cotton...

He got some pills for the condition but couldn't get them out of the bottle.