Best Jokes

To get his mind off his losing streak at the racetrack, I took my friend horseback riding. Being a novice, he freaked when his horse took off.

"How do I get it to slow down?!" he yelled.

"Bet on it!" I hollered back.

I took four tires to a friend’s garage sale and was asking $35 apiece. I needed to step away for a bit so I asked him to watch them for me.

"Sure," he said, "but just in case someone offers less, how low are you willing to go?"

"Try for more, but I will accept $20 each," I said, and left.

When I returned, my tires were gone. "How much did you get for them?" I asked excitedly.

"Twenty dollars each."

"Who bought them?"

"I did!"

I was driving home from work when I was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Three days later, I got the same ticket, at the same stop, from the same cop.

“So, have you learned anything?” asked the cop.

“Yes, I have,” I began. “I’ve learned it's time to find a new way home from work.”

Boss: You were on sick leave yesterday ?

Me: Yes

Boss: What was the issue ?

Me: I was sick of work.