Best Jokes

A mechanic was working under a car and some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. "Wow! That stuff isn't too bad tasting," he thought. The next day, he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid. "It was pretty good, really. I think I'll have a little more today."

His friend was a little concerned, but didn't say anything. The next day, "Hey, I drank a whole glass of brake fluid. Great stuff! I'm going to have more." A few days later, he was up to a bottle a day.

"You know," said his buddy, "that brake fluid is poison and really bad for you. You better cut out drinking that stuff."

"Hey, no problem. I can stop any time!"

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.

So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

A wife announced to her husband that since today was their 25th wedding anniversary she had been dreaming about pearls, a very strong hint indeed.

Her husband replied, "Wait until tonight dear."

That evening, after a delicious dinner, he gave her the wedding anniversary gift. A book entitled, "How to Interpret Dreams."

That's when the fight started.

Amy and Judy are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries.

"I'm so sorry for you. As I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day," replies Judy.

"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"