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Favorite this joke Why do grasshoppers not go to many football games?
They prefer cricket matches.
A man called his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
And engineer died and when before St. Peter in heaven. St. Peter looked at his book and said "Oh, you belong with the devil."
After a few months in hell the engineer met with the devil and said, "You don't have anything here. I am an engineer and I can design buildings, air conditioning..all kinds of things."
The devil said, "OK... do it!"
When construction was complete the devil was very pleased. Then he gets a call from St. Peter who said, "Do you remember that engineer we sent you? We made a big mistake. He is supposed to be in heaven."
The devil replied with a loud and forceful voice, "YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!"
St. Peter replied, "We will sue you!"
The devil started laughing. "What are you laughing about?" Where are you going to find a lawyer?"
In a kids bedroom:
3 year old: I can't sleep
Father: Why not?
3 year old: There are scary monsters under my bed.
Father: Scarier than your mother?
3 year old: "zzz"
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