Best Jokes

Two friends were talking.

"There are so many cemeteries in your neighborhood."

"I know, people are just dying to live here."

When Adam stayed out late for a few nights, Eve became suspicious and upset. "You're running around with other women, aren't you?" she accused.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam asked, half asleep.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how, after the worship service, he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the
church building.

Therefore, he was slightly annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," said the minister. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in difficulty. The roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star-Spangled Banner."

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist.

Little Johnny asked his Grandma how old she was.

Grandma answered, "39 and holding."

Johnny thought about that and then asked, "And how old would you be if you let go?"