Best Jokes

I once went to Barnes & Noble. I asked the lady working there, “Where is the self-help section?”

She said, “That would defeat the purpose.”

Workers from different trades were asked, "What is the number one rule in your profession?"

Here were some responses...

Plumber: “Don’t chew your fingernails.”

Roofer: “You are fired before you hit the ground.”

Camp counselor: “Don’t lose the kid.”

Scuba diver: “If it moves, it wants to kill you.”

Photographer: “Take the lens cap off.”

I can’t tell the difference between a rose and a dandelion.

So when it came time to fix up my garden, I had no clue which plants to keep and which ones to remove.

Until, that is, my mother gave me this handy tip: “Pull them all up. If it comes back, it’s a weed.”

The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes are all derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But I guess the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.