An old lady offers a bus driver some peanuts. So the driver happily eats them. Every 5 minutes she hands him another handful of peanuts.
Driver: "Why don't you eat them yourself?"
Old Lady: "I can't chew look I have no teeth."
Driver: "Then why do you buy them?"
Old lady: "I just love the chocolates around them."
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
I don’t always go the extra mile...
But when I do, it's because I missed my exit!
An Orderly in a Paratrooper battalion must make a jump once a month. The Captain rushes in and says, "I know you have a lot of work so I have transportation for you to our airport, a plane waiting for you, a Jeep will be on the ground waiting to whisk you back quickly."
The Orderly goes out and there isn't any transportation and they have to call for it. When they get to the airport the plane is late getting there. He gets on the plane and has to wait for someone to bring his parachute. When he finally jumps he pulls his cord and the chute doesn't open, he pulls his emergency cord and that don,t work also.
He says to himself, "I bet the Jeep won't be there either!"