Best Jokes

10 reasons you might be an artist:

10) You were more concerned about the color of your car than the fuel consumption.
9) The highlights in your hair are from your palette and not Clairol.
8) You are having lunch with the girls and the fragrance you wear is eau d'linseed oil.
7) The only piece of new furniture you have in your home is a $2000 easel.
6) You butter your toast with your fingers, just to feel its texture.
5) You talk about going to a show where the pictures don't move.
4) You know what shade of green the lichen on the trees is.
3) You can't find a nice outfit for your date because everything has paint smears on.
2) Your date ends up with paint smears on her/him.

And the final reason you might be an artist...

#1) If you are over age 50 and still have no health insurance.

To increase his tips the local bartender posted the following:

PHONE NOTIFICATION FEES (ADD $1.00 TO INSERT NAME)

$1.00 HE NOT HERE!
$2.00 ON HIS WAY OUT!
$3.00 HE JUST LEFT!
$4.00 HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ALL DAY!
$5.00 WHO?

PAY BARTENDER UPON ARRIVAL AT BAR.

Mom: Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?

Son: Well, it’s a sponge cake, isn’t it?

Teacher: What is a synonym?

Student: A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other!