Best Jokes

I requested identification from a department-store customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase.

After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what she said was the only thing that bore both her name and address.

It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank.

Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church. The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back.

The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside town. But three days later, the squirrels climbed back in.

Only the church came up with an effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and made them members. Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter.

“My great-grandma gave me this money,” said my three-year-old, happily clutching a $20 bill he’d gotten as a present.

“That’s right,” I said. “How did you know that?”

Pointing to Andrew Jackson’s face in the middle, he said, “Because her picture is on it.”

Just seen a burglar kicking his own door in.

I asked: “What are you doing?”

He said: “Working from home.”