Today had to be one of the most humiliating and worst days of my life! I just finished explaining to both my wife and boss why I'm in the hospital ER.
You see, it had been over 40 years since I've jumped on the back of a moving horse. I really thought that it would come back to me as easily as jumping on a bicycle again, but instead, it turned out to be a HUGE MISTAKE! I mean, I just couldn't stop thinking about how I lost my balance and fell over backwards with my right foot still caught in the stirrup while getting dragged around violently and wondering if I was going to die.
As the Doctor was putting in the very last stitch to the back of my head, he mentioned, "You are very lucky to be alive."
"I know, Doc," I replied. "I also thanked God for the fast thinking on the part of the Merry-Go-Round Operator."
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
A boy says to his friend, "Today my test results are out and my dad is at home. If I fail in one subject, text me saying ‘good morning to you’. If I fail in two, text me ‘Good morning to you and to your dad.’"
His friend agreed. Minutes later the boy gets a text from his friend. “Good morning to you and to your family and to your neighbors also!"
"Why are you home? I thought you were going to the school dance after school?"
"I did attend but I don't know how to dance. Mr. Greeley, my math teacher gave me some advice. He said it’s easy to dance just put one foot in front of the other. So I did... and next I know I wound up here!"