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Favorite this joke I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.
I've been having problems with annoying phone calls lately...
The most common one seems to be the nightly, "You said you'd be home from the bar 2 hours ago!" call.
Pretty Nurse: "Every time I take the patient's pulse it gets faster. What should I do?"
Doctor: "Blindfold him."
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