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Favorite this joke During the first day of Navy Boot Camp, the lieutenant in charge had a stack of cards with each person’s name on it. He said, “When I read off your name, I want you to step forward, say 'Here, sir', then salute me, and then get back to where you were!”
Lieutenant: “Andrews!”
Andrews: “Here, sir!”
Lieutenant: “Cooper!”
Cooper: “Here, sir!”
Lieutenant: “Seeback!” (No response) “Seeback! (Still no response) “I said Seeback!”
The admiral next to him whispers something in his ear. The lieutenant then turns the card over and says: “Lodge!”
Lodge: “Here, sir!”
A farmer is walking with a prospective buyer when they see a beautiful pig in the yard, except it has a wooden leg. The buyer asks, "Why the wooden leg?"
The farmer replies, "That pig is so smart, I let it drive the kids to school."
"Great, but why the wooden leg?"
"The pig is so smart it has a degree in horticulture and philosophy."
"Amazing! But why the bloody wooden leg?"
"Well when you have a pig that smart, you don't eat it all at once!"
A man enters the kitchen, opens the sugar box, looks inside and closes it.
He does it again and again. Why?
Because the doctor told him to check his sugar levels regularly.
'Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
But I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned
The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The thought of a snack became infatuation!
So I raced to the kitchen,
Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!!
I crashed through the ceiling, floated into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees ...
HAPPY EATING TO ALL, PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE!!!
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