Latest Jokes

What is the difference between golf and politics?

In golf, you can’t improve your lie.

A 4-year old son was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, "Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?"

"Because," his dad explained, "after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize, thus changing the molecular structure and turning it into a different color."

There was a long silence. Then the son asked softly, "Daddy, are you talking to me?"

I was watching the game at my parents home and I asked for something to eat. My dad said, "Go ahead and eat some of the peanuts in the bowl beside the chair."

I ended up eating them all and as I was leaving I said that I was sorry and would replace them. That's when dad said, "Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."

My boss called me into his office today.

“We both know you’re not the brightest spark here, Simon,” he said, “but over the last 5 years you’ve never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. So, how does a brand new car sound?”

“Vrooom! Vrooooom!” I replied.