Latest Jokes

I ran away from the hospital, it was time to go. My friend asked me, "Why did you run away from the hospital, right before the surgery?"

"I was scared," I replied.

"Why?"

"The nurse kept saying, 'Don't worry, be courageous, it is only a small operation, nothing will happen, it will take hardly 30 minutes, and so on."

"The nurse was right, she was encouraging you, that's all," replied my friend.

"Nonsense!" I began, "She was not talking to me, she was talking to the doctor!"

I used to work in a superstore. One day a sparrow flew in and perched itself by the ceiling. Management wondered how to catch it.

I suggested that we keep a computer terminal unoccupied.

"You can catch it when it stops by to tweet."

After 10 years, a mother can no longer deny that her child does not look like her or her husband. She decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."

Husband: "What’s up?"

Wife: "According to DNA test results, this is not our kid."

Husband: "Well you don’t remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had soiled its diaper. Then you said, 'Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here.' So I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there."