Latest Jokes

An announcement at the local ice skating rink: "Will the lady that left 6 kids on the ice rink, please pick them up. THEY ARE MAKING OUR PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY TEAM LOOK BAD!"

Amos had been drinking with his friend Joe for most of the evening when he finally said, "I need to go home and face the music, my wife will be up and waiting for me."

Joe said, "Listen, I have a cure for the angry wife waiting for me after a late night. No more sneaking up the stairs with my shoes off. I drive into the yard and screech the brakes. Then I slam the door and stomp up the stairs to the bedroom where I enter and say your stud puppy is home."

Amos replies, "What does she do then?"

"Why nothing. She just curls up on her side of the bed and pretends to be asleep."

I waited for a very long time for my number to be called at the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver's license. As I approached the window, the clerk asked how she could help me.

I replied, "I need to get a haircut, can you save me my spot?"

She said, "Why didn't you get a haircut before your came here?"

I replied, "I didn't need one before I got here!"

Saw the cutest TRIPLETS in the mall last week. Each had a personalized shirt.
1st shirt said: I WAS PLANNED.
2nd one said: I WAS NOT.
3rd said: ME NEITHER!