Latest Jokes

Never spill hot espresso on yourself because it hurts a latte!

A judge and four lawyers were stuck in an elevator. Two were defense attorneys and the other two were on the prosecutor’s team.

The light in the elevator went out but it’s well known that in the light well is a spare bulb. The question is now posed, how many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb.

Answer: It only took one but it took a half hour for the judge to listen to all the arguments before he decided who had to change it.

What do you call an escalator that stalls?

Stairs!

Actual 911 Calls:

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn....
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.