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Favorite this joke A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.
Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not too eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"
The preacher paused and then replied, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"
"Doctor Feldman! You better get into room 313 fast, the patient is acting bizarre!"
"I'm on my way!"
Entering the room the doctor sees the patient furiously tying and twisting pieces of rope together, drawn tight into a knobby mass. He seemed totally out of control.
"What are you doing? Stop that!" the doctor yells.
The patient completely ignores the doc and continues to loop and interlace the sections of rope in an intense, violent manner.
"Again, I beg you. Stop what you're doing. You're behaving in a mentally deranged way!"
To which the patient replies, "Say what you will doc, but I'M KNOT CRAZY!"
A new supermarket opened in New York. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk shelves hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.
Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to airman's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.”
“Now,” he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?”
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