Latest Jokes

A fisherman began to drill a hole in the ice to fish when a voice called out, "You can't fish there."

He moved the drill a few feet and began to drill again and the voice repeated, "You can't fish there either."

After three more attempts he yelled, "Why can't I fish here?"

"You can't fish anywhere here, this is an ice rink."

A lawyer just purchased a new Mercedes sports car convertible and came to a stop sign. Arriving at the same time was a Hippie on a motor scooter, who leaned over and admired the beautiful car.

Annoyed, the lawyer sped away as the light changed only to see the motor scooter not only catch him, but speed past him. Now Angry, he stepped on the gas and raced to 100 mph, passing the motor scooter. Once again the scooter passed him only this time it sailed off the road into a ditch.

Ashamed, the lawyer caught up with the scooter and asked the Hippie if he was okay and did he need help. The Hippie replied, "I'm cool man, but could you unhitch my suspenders from your mirror?"

A man was showing his friend a new set of matched golf clubs he had just bought.

"Doctor's orders," the man told his friend. "My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs."

"What about your wife?" the friend asked. "What did you buy her?"

"A new lawn mower," the golfer said.

Cocktail lounge, Norway: "LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."

On an Athi River highway: "TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."

In a City restaurant: "OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

Hotel, Japan: "YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."

Taken from a menu, Poland: "SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION."

Supermarket, Hong Kong: "FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE."

From the "Soviet Weekly": "THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS."

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO MOSCOW, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT."

A laundry in Rome: "LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."