Latest Jokes

My three hundred plus pound of a grandfather loves to do karaoke. One night he was really into some heavy metal rock and roll song, even doing an air guitar routine.

Well, after he was done a young fellow came up to him and said, "You are a hip old dude!"

My grandfather snapped back, "Who you callin' a hippo - dude?!?!"

A couple’s only daughter had just graduated from law school. Her parents were very surprised to find out she had recently become engaged to a man they had never met. The daughter also announced that she’d be bringing her fiancee over to meet them that evening.

The moment the parents opened front door to greet them the warm welcoming smiles on faces of both parents completely vanished. Their open happy expressions were instantly replaced by a look not far from shock.

The young man in their doorway had an athletic build, chiseled features with a picture perfect bright smile! He was wearing a silk tie a tailored suite along with expensive Italian shoes. He didn’t have one hair out of place on his head and when he spoke his deep confident voice was absolutely mesmerizing. His charismatic presence seemed to command respect and admiration though his demeanor was open and friendly.

By this time both of the parents were visibly shaken making this quite an awkward moment for all concerned. Silently wincing the mother almost broke out in tears as she shook the young mans firm yet warm gentle hand.

Only able to make partial eye contact and with a slight tremble in his voice the father hesitantly asked the young man what he did for a living. The young man replied: I’m a used car salesman!

A huge sigh of relief came over both parents as they instantly resurrected their welcoming smiles once again. The father said we’re so happy to hear that son, for a moment there we thought you might be a politician.

WIFE: I wrote your name on sand it got washed away. I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then I wrote your name on my heart, and I got a heart attack.

PABLO: God saw me hungry, he created pizza. He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi. He saw me in darkness, He created light. He saw me without problems, He created YOU.

WIFE: Twinkle, twinkle little star, You should know what you are. And once you know what you are, the mental hospital is not so far.

PABLO: The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful, why doesn’t it rain on you?

WIFE: Roses are red, Violets are blue, Monkeys like u should be kept in ZOO. Don’t feel so angry, you will find me there too, not in cage but laughing at YOU!

Why do camels have 4 humps?

They don't. They only have 2.