Latest Jokes

I just did a computer rendition of what I'd look like fifty years from now.

Apparently fifty years from now I'll look like a hand full of dirt.

A major speaker for the annual auto dealers convention was visiting the rest room just before he was to speak to the 10,000 members. He was asked, "Are you our special speaker?"

"Yes, I sure am and I am excited to be here," he replied.

"Are you nervous?"

"No, I'm never nervous before I give a big speech."

"If you are not nervous, then what are you doing in the ladies room?"

1. What does a typical politician and a dress manufacturer have in common?
One skirts the issues, the other issues skirts.

2. What does a torpedo and a kitchen appliance supplier have in common?
One sinks ships, the other ships sinks.

3. What does a phone app and a U-Haul have in common?
One is downloaded, the other is loaded down.

4. What does a balcony and a drunk have in common?
One has an overhang, the other has a hangover.

5. What does a clown hiding in a cake and a son who discovers his dad's
secret have in common?
One pops out, the other outs pop.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have...

The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.