Latest Jokes

Two dogs wearing their finest collars entered a bar.

After ordering they noticed that all the other dogs in the bar were not wearing collars.

That's when they realized they were in a STRAY BAR.

After a very passionate sermon the preacher was standing at the door to greet the departing congregation when one very upset lady said, "Pastor, I am very disappointed in your sermon...you said the word 'damn'."

"Oh," said the Pastor. "I am sorry if I offended you. What did I say just before that word?"

"I don't remember," she said.

"Well, what did I say after that word?"

"I don't remember," she said.

"I guess it was good that I used that word or you would not have heard ONE WORD I said."

Two women are standing in line to pay their bill at a restaurant. As soon as it's their turn, they hand the young waitress a credit card.

After swiping the card, she loudly called out to her manager, "Mr. Andrews, what do I do if it says 'rejected'?"

As the women's faces reddened and customers turned to look, Mr. Andrews walked out from the kitchen.

"Well," he answered, wiping his hands, "the first thing you DON'T do is shout it out loud enough to embarrass the customer, who might have been thinking of leaving you a tip."

A man was sleeping when his wife shook him and said, "Wake up, someone is breaking in!"

The man had gone through this almost every night for 20 years, and he knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. This time, however, there was a man with a gun who entered to rob the house.

As the thief was about to flee the man said, "You have to come with me and meet my wife."

Astounded, the thief said, "Why would you want me to meet your wife?"

The man replied, "Well, she's been expecting you for 20 years."