Latest Jokes

Ventriloquist: Hey buddy. Why don't you spell Apple for the audience.

Dummy: Can I go to the bathroom first?

Ventriloquist: Come on just spell Apple.

Dummy: I really need to go.

Ventriloquist: Just spell Apple first.

Dummy: All right. Apple. A-L-E

Ventriloquist: A-L-E? What happened to the P-P?

Dummy: It's running down your arm.

A boy and his mother stood in the dentist's office, looking at a display case. "If I had to have false teeth, mother, I'd take that pair there," said the small boy, pointing.

"Hush, Willie," interrupted the mother quickly, "Haven't I told you it's bad manners to pick your teeth in public?"

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together...

It was riveting.

So this guy has the courage -- but not always the skills -- to tackle any home-repair project. For example, his garage was littered with the pieces of a lawn mower he once tried to fix.

One day his wife found him in the living room, attacking the vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver. "I can't get this thing to cooperate!" he exclaimed.

His wife replied, "Why don't you drag it out to the garage and show it the lawn mower?"