Latest Jokes

Three houses are next to each other. A red house is on the left. A blue house is on the right. Where's the white house?

In Washington DC!

Ron and John were building a house. John was on a ladder, nailing. He'd reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over his shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.

Ron couldn't stand it any longer and yelled, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"

John explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me, I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it."

Ron replied, "What's wrong with you? Don't throw away the nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house."

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could out-do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, one older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

Preparing for the most important presentation of his life, a sales rep went to a psychiatrist. "I'll implant a hypnotic suggestion in your mind," said the shrink. "Just say 'one-two-three,' and you'll give the presentation of your life. However, do not say 'one-two-three-four,' because it will cause you to freeze up and make a fool of yourself."

The sales rep was ecstatic. He tried it at home and gave a fabulous presentation. He tried it at work with his co-workers, and got a standing ovation. Then came the big day. Everything was set up in the boardroom and the CEO signaled him to start. The sales rep whispered under his breath, "One-two-three."

Then the CEO asked, "What did you say 'one-two-three' for?"