Latest Jokes

A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her.

At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling. "Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted."

"Oh my, "the grandmother says. "He and I must have the same landlord."

Three Elderly Sisters live in a huge two story house. Martha is upstairs and is going to take a bath. She yells down and asks, "Dorthy, was I getting in the tub or out?"

Dorthy replies, "You were getting in the tub!"

The second old lady walks up to the foyer stairway and stops. She looks up and then she says, "Dorthy, was I going upstairs or just coming down?"

Dorthy replies, "Mary, you were going up stair!" After a slight pause, Dorthy continues, "God Help me." She then knocks on the table twice with her fist and then says, "Was that the front door or back?"

A gecko was talking a stroll in the park and came upon a duck. He said, "Hi duck, what do you do for a living?"

The duck replied, "I sell gap insurance so if you’re out of work you still have money coming in." The duck then asked how the gecko made a living.

The gecko said, "I also sell insurance but I sell every kind of insurance you can imagine! I sell house, car, life…"

Before he could finish the duck ate the gecko! The duck said, "Well, at least he had good coverage!"

I used to be a plastic surgeon, which raised a few eyebrows.